Penelope Loves Lists » Who is Penelope?

Reader Quandry: Need Your Opinions, Penelopes!

Meredith — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:00:58 +0000

I got an email the other day from a delightful Penelope named Karen. She’s got a situation brewing and needs some feedback from the Penelope Community.

Here’s what Karen says:

“I have a family member whom I love dearly and with whom I’m very close, but who is also a little bit on the sensitive side. He often visits my home and always insists on helping around the house… sounds nice, right? Except, he doesn’t do things the way I would and it drives me batty. If I make dinner, no amount of “oh, no, don’t worry about the dishes I’ll get them later” will stop him. He insists on doing them… badly.

I know I’m a total nut about how dishes are done, which is why I never ask anyone else to do them. Also, I’m very very, very specific about where and how things are put away. Again, I know that this is all just a quirk of mine and that other people aren’t wrong to put a wire whisk away still damp (mine is silicone, it’s not going to rust, but I Just Do Not Like It.).

After this family member has been to my house, I spend the next week searching for things that are in the wrong place and re-washing fry pans that haven’t had the toothpick treatment (you know, where you dig into the rivets with a toothpick to get the gunk out?).

And to be totally honest, even if he did all these tasks up to my totally wacky standards, I still wouldn’t want the help. I like cleaning my kitchen. It’s my time to relax and gather my thoughts at the end of the day. I like to putter and straighten. Trying to explain that to non-Penelopes is almost impossible. He thinks I’m just being “nice” or being a “good hostess”, but the truth is, if he doesn’t get the heck out of my kitchen I may have to move out of state!

So, how does a Penelope politely get a beloved, helpful, not-quite-Penelope (or should that be Percival??) out of my kitchen without hurting his feelings??”

Here’s my answer:

Hi Karen,

I think there are two possible approaches to this: you could opt to go the easier route and just give your family member different things to do while you clean up the kitchen. He could sweep or dry dishes. Easy stuff.

But, I don’t think that truly gets to the heart of your situation. I think you’re dealing with a deeper, more emotional issue. You’re telling him how you feel and he’s not listening. He’s certainly well-intentioned, but he’s not respecting you. He’s putting his need to help ahead of your happiness.

You have every right to say, nicely but oh-so-clearly, that this will not continue. That you fully understand the sweet, helpful place from which he’s coming, but you like doing things your way and you actually like cleaning and you’re going to do this yourself.

If he loves you like he says he does, he’ll respect this quirk of yours. You could even tell him you’re a Penelope and that you can’t help it – it’s your nature. Hey, refer him to our website, so he can see what he’s dealing with!

The point is, this is your kitchen and your domain. You make the rules. But, communicated lovingly, I think this can be handled with minimal emotional distress.

Don’t worry, Karen. You’ve got thousands of Penelopes standing in support.

Penelopes: weigh in with your thoughts in the comments. Karen and I really want to know what you think!

The 7 Link Challenge

Meredith — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 16:00:05 +0000

I’m continually inspired by both Darren Rowse of ProBlogger and Susannah Conway of Unravelling fame. Today, I’m literally inspired by them as I’ve decided to take up the 7 Link Challenge laid down by Darren and then further interpreted by Susannah.

The idea is to dig into your blog’s content a bit and expose some of your newer readers to posts they may have missed earlier on. I haven’t been blogging for very long compared to these two giants (and many, many of you) but I am grateful to have a lot of new readers, so I thought this might be useful.

Also, reviewing my content in the way gives me a more overall perspective of it. Some of what I’ve written I like, some I’d do a bit differently if I did it again. I found it useful to think through my posts like this.

Here I go:

Your first post: Who is Penelope and Why Does She Love Lists? 11/13/2009. – Everything about Penelope began from this place. Between this and the more fleshed out version in my About page, it sums up everything this site is meant to be. I wrote this in 5 minutes, it absolutely flowed out of me, which made (and makes) me feel like I was on the right track.
A post you enjoyed writing the most: A Wicked Confession or: A Reminder I’m Far From Perfect – This was the first post I wrote that got more “personal”. It’s “blogging as therapy”, really. It started my love of writing the “Random Ruminations” posts. These are the posts that, for me, get to the real crux of what being a Penelope is.
A post which had a great discussion: Why It Sometimes Sucks to be a Penelope – A perfect example of the above. The comments here are so honest.
Your most helpful post: The Biggest Time Suck of My Day or: Why Email Haunts Me – I love the tips here and was incredibly jazzed that so many people found them useful, too.
A post with a title that you are proud of: The Genius of Aqua Notes or: Why I Think Best When I’m Wet – Enough said.
A post that you wish more people had read: When Eight is not Enough – This post was really early on, so my traffic was super low. I do love Julie Morgenstern and her book I mention here. In fact, we’ll be hearing from Julie on Penelope Loves Lists very soon. Stay tuned!
A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written: The Manifesto of Encouragement by Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth – To say I have a girl crush on Danielle is a vast understatement. She absolutely inspires me to be my best self. Love her and love love love this post. Gives me chills every single time.

Penelope Poll: What would you do?

Meredith — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 16:05:11 +0000

I got an email from a fellow Penelope, Stacy, that both tickled and fascinated me. We both wanted to know what the rest of the Penelope world would do in the same situation.

Here’s Stacy’s story:

A couple of weeks ago, I went to stay with my brother (with whom I’m very close) for a few days at his new apartment. The first morning after my arrival, I woke up before he did and went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

As I looked around for the first time, I immediately noticed how many food items he had on top of his refrigerator and on his counters. There was stuff all over the place.

But, I got really confused when I opened up one of his cabinets and found it was empty. Completely empty! A quick search told me that 90% of his cabinets were empty.

Why would he have food and pantry items all over the kitchen except the cabinets? It made no sense!

So, we’re curious, Penelopes: what would YOU do in this situation?

a) Immediately launch into a complete kitchen re-organization. You simply can’t help yourself.
b) Wait until your brother comes downstairs and calmly discuss some other options with him that include proper use of cabinet space.
c) Walk away and don’t say a word. It’s his house, not yours.
d) Take some course of action.

There is absolutely no right or wrong answer. In fact, for now, I’m not even going to tell you what I’d do. I will, however, leave a comment in a few days with my answer.

Until then, I want to know what YOU’D do. Come on, be honest!

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RESULTS: Great feedback, Penelopes. This was a fascinating exercise.

Here’s were we stand now that we’ve gotten 51 people to weigh in: over half of us said we’d go with Option B. We’d just have to talk to our brothers and see what was going on, we couldn’t just let it go. The second largest category went with Option A: they’d just jump in and change things. And very, very few said they’d not say anything at all or take another path entirely.

Again, there’s no right or wrong here. I think at the base of everyone’s answer is a place of really good intentions and I love that.

I’m going to do a poll like this every once in a while because I find this kind of thing so fascinating. I hope you’ll all continue to jump in with your honest reactions.

How Penelope Finds a BFF

Meredith — Sun, 30 May 2010 16:00:37 +0000

I’m honored to have Rachel Bertsche from one of my favorite blogs, MWF Seeking BFF, guest post for us today. She’s a Penelope herself and brings an interesting perspective to how we make (or struggle to make) new friends.

There are certain things Penelopes love: lists, plans, tidy schedules and unbreakable rules.

When trying to make new friends, there are certain things that don’t always work. Lists, plans, tidy schedules and unbreakable rules.

When I started my search for a new best friend, I drew an outline in my head:

Step 1: Meet with someone new every Monday.
Step 2: If the first girl-date is a success, follow up for a second date.
Step 3: Schedule follow up dates for Wednesdays.
Step 4: If said potential friend doesn’t follow up after date two, move on.

It was a great plan. (Or a crazy one, if you’re not a Penelope. But since I’m writing this for an audience of my own kind, let’s call it great.) Except for one thing. As it turns out—surprise!—making friends is not baking a cake. It’s not building a home. There is no recipe or blueprint for a delicious, sturdy bestfriendship.

I can’t designate Mondays as the only date night because I have another person’s schedule to consider. What kind of friend says “I can only meet you on Monday”? And there have been women who I really like, ladies I think could be The One, who have two kids and crazy work schedules and can’t always be counted on to reach out. And that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like me. It may mean they are so frazzled that they can hardly remember to wear a bra let alone extend an invitation to a new friend and schedule dinner.

I’d love to say I’ve thrown caution entirely to the wind, that I’ve tossed my friend-making outline into the fire. But any Penelope would know that’s a lie. We don’t let go that easily. But I’ve adjusted. Found the middle ground. I try to be flexible in my schedule, if still strict about marking every appointment in my handy iPhone calendar. I say yes when a potential friend calls to say “let’s go on an adventure. I want to get my fortune told!” (Penelopes don’t do psychics) but still wonder what the appropriate attire for such an activity would be.

I seek out formulas for upgrading from acquaintance to friend to BFF (a life-coach once told me you need to see someone twice a month for three months before you’ll consider her a friend. How handy! ) but accept that if those requirements aren’t met there’s still be friendship to be had.

A pretty big chunk of forging real friendships is loosening up. Because if we’re willing to share the messy stuff underneath all the Penelopeness, and that friend sticks around anyway? Well then she’s probably a keeper.

Naysayers would argue you can’t take steps to make friends. They’re convinced friendships are organic, they just happen. Not me. I don’t do go-with-the-flow very well. I think you can make a map for anything. Just as long as you’re willing to veer off course once in a while.

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About the author:

Rachel Bertsche left her oldest and dearest friends behind when she moved to Chicago for love. Now that she’s settled in the Midwest, she’s on the hunt for a new best friend. She says if there were no such thing as online predators, she’d post a want ad on Craigslist: “MWF Seeking BFF: Must live in Chicago. Must not bring her dog to lunch dates. Fluency in Entertainment Weekly preferred but not required.” Instead, she’s doing it the old-fashioned way-getting out there and introducing herself to one potential Bestie at a time. Her blog, MWF Seeking BFF, chronicles her quest. MWF Seeking BFF, the book, will be out in early 2012.

Penelope spills the beans: click here to learn more about me

Meredith — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:15:23 +0000

Now THIS is exciting: Jessica from Lavender & Lilies asked me to be her guinea pig for a new feature she’s started. She’s asking some of her favorite bloggers a few interesting questions. I love this kind of thing. It’s a great way to get to know the people behind these blogs.

While you’re over there reading all about me (and, really, who doesn’t want to do that?) make sure to make yourself familiar with some of the other things Jessica is doing at Lavender & Lilies. I love this blog and read it religiously. She does such a nice “mix” of things, and each day you know you’re going to get something interesting.

In fact, I like Jessica so much, that I’ve also asked her to by MY guinea pig for a feature I’m starting later in February. She’ll be answering some of my questions about the organization tools she uses to organizes both her life and her blog. Stay tuned!

And, look at this clever montage Jessica put together for this feature. Is she good or what?

A “Wicked” Confession, or: a reminder that I’m far from perfect

Meredith — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:00:58 +0000

Had to share this very real story because it’s bothering me so darn much. And some of you might just understand. Maybe not. Maybe I’m just off my rocker.

My 14 yo daughter has wanted, forever, to see Wicked. I do, too. So, for our main Christmas gift to our kids this year, my husband and I decided to buy tickets for the four of us to see Wicked in SF. I was so excited that we’d given a special, memorable gift.

When I purchased the tickets (which are, of course, non-refundable) I was super, extra, magnificently careful in choosing the date. I checked my calendar THREE times to make sure that I was choosing a date that would work for all of us. I thought it through carefully, I ruminated, I checked everyone ELSE’S schedule. In short, I tried hard to get this one right.

On Christmas Day, my daughter had to tell me that, in fact, she’ll be out of town on a long-planned trip with her Youth in Government group on that day. A trip she must attend. A trip I knew about!

I screwed up. Terribly. The date of her important trip had somehow not made it onto my calendar.

Cue the tears. (Mine, not my daughter’s. She took this in stride.) Cue the wailing and gnashing of teeth. (Proverbial, thank God.)

Here’s my issue. For most people, this is just a mistake. You fix it (which I’ve done – we’re taking our daughter to the show on a later date and my sister will take her ticket this time) and you move on.

Not me. Oh, no. This has bothered me for DAYS. I can’t seem to leave it alone. I keep asking myself how could I this mistake?

I’ve thought about why this is needling me:

Is it because nothing can just be a “mistake” and has to, instead, be the first small symptoms of very, very early onset Alzheimer’s or a brain tumor? Is the next step me wandering around my neighborhood because I’ve forgotten where I live? Maybe. Probably. And I’m not being flip about this. These are very real fears I harbor.

Or is it because I want so much not to screw this stuff up for my family? That I am so “Type A” all the time and they put up with it so much and the one thing I can do for them in return is just get things like this RIGHT? Yes, that’s why. I want to be perfect. Not for me, but for them. I want them to be able to count on me.

I screwed up. And I need to move on, but can’t seem to do that yet.

Who is Penelope and Why Does She Love Lists?

Meredith — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 02:02:40 +0000

Who is Penelope?

Penelope is unabashedly organized. She makes no apologies for her love of lists, and notebooks, and pretty office supplies. She adores anything that’s called a “storage solution”. She thinks See Jane Work and Pottery Barn are the first and second wonders of the world. She loves useful websites and shelter magazines. She hunts down smart work organization software and swoons for project management tools. She’s tidy, she’s a bit OCD. She’s got a To Do List and knows how to use it.

Are you Penelope? If so, relax…you’re home.

No one will laugh at you here for being enamored of paperclips and getting giddy when you see graph paper notebooks. Everyone here understands why neat stacks of almost anything (books, towels, tableware) are cause for quiet celebration. And EVERYONE here will understand why it’s always ok to fix crookedly-hung frames, even in restaurants or courtrooms. You’re not crazy…you’re Penelope.

Penelope is a type of person. My name, however, is Meredith. I’m a working Mom of three, trying desperately (and, I admit, a bit compulsively) to hold together all crazy aspects of my life. For me, the only way to do that is with lists and with all manner of organizational tools. It’s who I am, naturally. And I know I’m not alone. I want to create the website I’ve always wished were out there: tools, products, strategies, websites, books, all for the organization freak. A website to indulge that Penelope part of me – and you.

And, what’s the deal with “Penelope”, you ask? It’s a code word my sister and I started using with each other a while ago. It means unwavering love and acceptance, even when we’re a bit…um…nutty. I love Penelope and I hope you will, too.

FAQ from readers:
Question: I love the idea of “Penelope” as a type of person. I’m not 100% Penelope, though I have parts of me that dearly love things like lists, binders, neatness, etc. Am I still welcome at Penelope Loves Lists?

Answer: Absolutely! Most people are not 100% Penelope from tip to toe. If ANY part of you loves organization stuff, you are welcome here!!

Penelope’s Inspiration Board

Meredith — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 19:21:06 +0000

I’ve mentioned that I’m taking Holly Becker’s Blogging Your Way class and I am loving it. Actually – Loving it, capital “L”.

This week’s assignment was to make an inspiration board, pulling together images, patterns, colors, things, that we love.

The thought behind this work being that whatever naturally inspires us is what we’re passionate about. And, we should listen to that as we think about our blogging. I won’t go into more detail because you really, really need to take Holly’s class to get the whole story. If you’re serious about blogging, either as a business, or purely as vehicle for self-discovery and expression, her class is a must. (And, honestly, it’s also just super fun.)

As nerve-wracking as it is, I’ll show you my board here. I don’t consider myself classically “creative”, so doing something visual like this was fun, but scary, too.

And, oh, boy, my Penelope ways really came into play here, hugely.

What if it’s not good enough? What if people snicker to themselves?
What if the edges aren’t all perfectly straight?
What if the colors don’t look right?
What if my photography isn’t doing it justice?
What if I worked longer and harder on it – would it be better?

Ugh and double ugh. I have to get out of my own way sometimes. So, with a big breath, here you go, Holly, BYW Students and Penelopes.

My inspiration board. You can click on the image to get a larger version:

Penelope's Inspiration Board