I have this problem every once in a while. To be honest, it happens more than I’d like. I want to start something, or say something, or do something and I get stuck. Because I want whatever it is to be just right.
I tell myself that I’ll only have one chance at whatever it is and I need to make sure it’s the very best it can be. It needs to be my absolute best effort, it needs to be just the way I always thought it would be. It needs to be perfect.
And then what it ends up being is nothing at all because I’m paralyzed.
Case in point. I want to start posting on Penelope again. I’m ready. I’ve missed it and all you Penelopes more than you’ll ever know. I want to make PLL more than it’s ever been before. I feel the energy flowing through me and I want to start again. And have for months. But what to post first? Do I make some big announcement or just start again with no hoopla?
But, really, that’s not truly what’s stopping me.
If I’m honest, it’s fear that’s stopped me. What if no one wants Penelope to be back again? What if no one cares? What if no one really reads blogs anymore, as so much tech media suggests. What if I had all these great ideas and can’t turn them into anything that’s useful? What if I’m not good enough? What if no one likes me?
What if I am not enough?
The fear has paralyzed me.
But, because this fear of not being enough is so much a part of the Penelope Personality, I think you guys might understand. I may look confident and in control on the outside, but inside I’m terrified. This is what’s true. And I know for sure I need to be honest about what I’m feeling because so many of you have been honest with me.
And I know what I need to do. I need to just jump in. I need to act.
So here goes.
I’m starting Penelope again, this time, I hope, for real. I’ve missed you and writing about the things we Penelopes care about. I want to come back and I won’t always be perfect, but I hope to at least be good.
Here we go…