I’ve been incredibly challenged and inspired by the comments on my last post where I talked about learning to stop multi-tasking and that being busy doesn’t make me valuable. You might take a second to read those. Good, good stuff there.
What’s on my mind today is this from reader Max:
“I’m reminded of the quote from John Tarrant Roshi: ‘Attention is the most basic form of love.’ Giving my full attention to something – it doesn’t matter what! – is where the joy is.”
So, I’m actually loving my kids more if I stop cleaning/bustling/buzzing/making lists of things to do (all of which, by the way, I do for them) and just spend time with them. Talking, cooking, reading together, listening to music. Anything that we can do together where I can just pay attention to them. Or my husband, or my friends, or my Mom.
I’m not always good at that. Feels too slow to just sit and “be”. And then there’s the very loud To Do List looming. Sheesh, that thing is mouthy!
But Max is so right. Attention is the most basic form of love.
So here’s the weekend challenge: can you spend some time over the next two days just paying attention to those you love? Or, to a project you love? Can you stop letting everything else crowd them out? Can I?
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I’m going to try
Thanks for a lovely, well written post.
I like this post very much. I recently told someone the best gift I can receive from someone I value and treasure is their time. Hoping you get to spend your time and attention as your heart desires this weekend.
Oh this is very good and a great quote from Max.
I have a 9 year old who needs to talk (and get a response) all the time. I’m trying to write, she wants to talk and get a response. I’m trying to think, she wants to talk and get a response. We’re out for a walk, me to enjoy the Being-ness and she wants to talk and get a response.
Now I say to her gently, that if she could allow me 5 minutes to get my writing / thinking / tidying / personal space done I can give her my FULL attention and she is worth that to me.
She’s really getting that because I was feeling so guilty of doing the ‘Uh huhn’, the ‘Mmmm’ and the ‘I see’ (when I didn’t see or hear) AND I was getting frustrated and grumpy too because I felt I wasn’t being productive in either what I was trying to achieve or in my parenting.
So yes, attention and focus is great, but for a creative multi tasker it sure is a challenge!
Ok, Meredith – I accept your challenge! And inspired by you – and Ria – I’m going to do it with my children. Full attention. Here we go!
Meredith,
This is Melanie from Southern Comfort in a Northern Life and you won my giveaway a couple of weeks ago. If the prize is not your style or you just don’t want it, let me know. It will NOT hurt my feelings. I know that the pitcher and jar are kinda specific in style so you may not want them. Just let me know one way or another. Thanks.
Melanie
Your last 2 posts are wonderful for me! I have spent alot of time trying to control worries. I’m relieved that I am not alone. Everything I’ve read recently about happiness says that you need to be peaceful and calm to find happiness. I’m trying to be more present to find happiness.
Your last two posts could not be better timed for me!! I am 33 weeks pregnant and was recently put on bed rest. I’m still at home but MY GOODNESS is this hard. (I used to think it sounded lovely!) Luckily, my husband is amazing and could not be doing more for me without complaining one bit. However, it is SO HARD to delegate the list, ignore the list and/or not add to the list. Your posts have helped me to stop thinking about what I CAN’T do over the course of the next few weeks and to start thinking about what I CAN do. Thank you for that.
Yes, I accept your challenge, too.
Actually, my husband is going out of town this afternoon (Saturday) and will be back Sunday evening. (He’s going down to find a rental property for us to live in, once we well this home.) So this weekend will be just me and the kids — I’m going to make it fun for all of us.
It is so hard to find balance in life, isn’t it? How DO we get things done AND still get to be present in the lives of those who are important to us? Practice makes perfect, I suppose!
I think, for me at least, it’s eliminating/lightening up on those things which are not as important as I have made them seem to be. For example, I am so particular about how my cupboards, closets, and drawers look on their insides. And I like to have my clothing ordered by type and then color. And frosting perfect cupcakes or present lovely dishes to my family at dinnertime. Not that any of those things are bad things, necessarily (and yes, I realize I sound mildly – or majorly!!! – crazy), but if those things aren’t as perfect as I want them to be, how much of a difference is that going to make to anybody but myself? My family certainly doesn’t care if the table has a cloth on it or if I didn’t sprinkle the top of something with fresh parsley or if the frosting on the cupcakes is slapped on or swirled with a piping tip… And, since they are constantly working against my cupboard/closet/drawer way of ordering things, I’m pretty sure they don’t care about that either!
After writing what’s above I thought to myself, but what about the things that I like??? Shouldn’t I be able to have things the way that I want them, and so on? But, I realize now that, ultimately, what is important to me is being with my family. Spending time with my husband remembering why we love one another in the first place and making new ways to fall more in love. To see smiles on the faces of my children. And so on.
Life is complicated, but I think I’ve been doing a fine job of complicating it all the more. I’m going to try to live this week NOT trying to be so… complicated!
Have a great weekend! Thanks for the push this morning in such a thoughtful direction, Meredith!
Susan
Thank you for reminding me to do this! To just relax and let go, and allow my family to be enjoyable. That most sound horrible. But I think you understand? We get caught up in the “doing” and the “done” or in the “oh my goodness I have to be doing!” mindset and just forget to enjoy who we’re doing these things for. You’re awesome.
I accept the challenge as well.
I didn’t get nearly as much done today as I originally planned, but I did spend a lot of quality time with my girls. We went to the library and then spent the afternoon reading and playing games. I know I need to do this more often but I tend to get all caught up in my busyness at times. Thank you for the reminder!
my husband and i are big on quality time. have you heard of the love languages by gary chapman? we love and NEED to spend time together to feel loved. makes it nice because being together only reinforces our desire to be together…all that equals, we can’t get enough of each other. we have been married over 2 yrs and still feel like we want to spend 24/7 together. but some people have different love languages so “being together” just may not hold all that much appeal. i don’t think that’s wrong. i highly recommend people discovering their giving and recieving love language. it is such an eye-opener and super helpful in all relationships. i wonder if Penelope’s love language is really acts of service. that’s not a bad one! sometimes i WISH that was my husband’s love language! maybe more would get done around the house!
Hi Penelope,
Is it too late to accept the challenge for this weekend? I think not, so I’ll pay attention to my honey in warp speed, just to catch up.
Also, just a suggestion but I think you should move the #4 on your To Do list to #1. #1 and #2 are important but you are already looking fabulous!
Love,
Your Mom
Beautiful post! It’s so important and so true. Just tell that to-do list to shut up
I did this this weekend – went away and left DH with the kids while I was in a wedding in Houston. Totally out of my normal routine, I was able to focus on each thing – the getting ready, hanging out, eating, ceremony, reception – dancing, chatting. I need to find a way to incorporate that unitasking into my “normal” life! It was GREAT!