Here’s what I’m thinking about today: sometimes, being able to plan major life changes is actually harder than just having things happen and dealing with them the best you can.
Like, trying to decide if you should get a new job, one that you’re more passionate about than the one you have. Or, trying to decide if you should have a baby or go back to school, or…any number of huge things. I have several friends who are at this kind of crux point in their lives right now and we’re all talking about what a huge responsibility it is to be able to plan.
When things happen unexpectedly, you go into Penelope Crisis Mode and you do what needs to be done. You deal. And things work out, one way or the other.
But, if you have the luxury of pro-actively making big decisions, you can spend hours listing pros and cons, thinking about “what ifs” and “worst case scenarios”. And that can lead to mountains of fears and then to decision paralysis. Or, it can for me.
I think sometimes life just happening, and then dealing with it, can be easier in a weird way.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Wait. Did you overhear my conversation with my husband last night? I’m trying to decide if I should make a job change and it’s driving me crazy.
I completely relate to this. When I make big decisions, the making of pros and cons list is generally just a way to feed data to my subconscious. Ultimately, I need to go with what feels right intuitively and the lists are just a means of helping me feel my way through.
But sometimes crises, or decisions with deadlines, do feel easier because they provide that finite limit on how long you have to think about it.
Oh yes I definitely suffer from decision paralysis. What usually happens is I spend so much time debating the pros and cons and what-ifs that the decision either goes unmade or it gets so close to the deadline that I go into “Penelope Crisis Mode” and then I decide under much more stressful circumstances. I’m trying to be more proactive, but there are still plenty of times where I fall back into reactive.
I am trying to calm down about big decisions myself. We are planning major life changes when our youngest graduates from high school, and we continue to think about the options we have when we change.
The nice thing about having time is that we have the luxury to think through many different scenarios…and we will continue to think about it and discuss it, eliminating what we realize we don’t want and slowly shaping what we know we do want.
Laura
100% agree. most of the time i like to plan well and then “let life happen”…i kind of hate those big decision moments.
One of my strategies is to pick a path and embrace it and then sleep on it. If I wake up with a sense of dread, it’s probably not the right path or the right time … if I wake up feeling excitement, contentment or even maybe a little fear, it’s worth pursuing. Trust your gut, that’s the bottom-line.
I like to mull things over, talk it to death, ask questions of others (if possible)… then trust my gut like the above commentor said. Somehow, though, all the preliminary “hashing it out” helps me arrive at the best conclusion for me and my life. Have to say, though, that I do this with many decisions in my life – not just the real big ones you gave as examples.
I love the points that all of you have made here. So helpful.
Here’s my continuous challenge with big decisions that involve fears and “what ifs”: I try to listen to my gut and then I’ll finally land on which direction I want to go and feel good about it. Then, just a few days, or even hours later, fear will creep back in.
Does this mean that my gut is telling me that I’m not going the right direction, or does it mean that I simply feel fear no matter what and I need to just muscle through?
This is my dilemma.
like the first commenter said, “are you reading my mind?”good luck with all your decisions! i’m off to stop procrastinating and apply for a job!!x
i totally agree! having the freedom to chose can definately be stressful. i don’t know how you resolve that. gut feelings, emotions, stress, obsessing, knowing, feeling…can all get to be too much. sometimes talking it out and getting others insight can be all that you need, sometimes it can just complicate things. maybe just having a back-up plan incase your first decision doesn’t work out as hoped. i think the fear is fear of failure and that needs to be dealt with somehow so you don’t feel like the decision is all or nothing/do or die/right or wrong. that’s alot of pressure.
Hiya Meredith – I think going with your gut instinct in the first place is the best call. I get the same way you do though – I’ll make the decision, be fine with it for a little bit, and then second guess it to death from there on forward. It’s weird for me though, somehow even if I change my decision I eventually always end up coming back to what my gut decision or thought was in the first place…Does that happen to you too? Although all this depends on me actually making a decision in the first place, not exactly what I like to do