On my mind: love is doing something when you don’t feel like it

April 16, 2010

My marriage to J is my second, and I know now that happy marriage isn’t luck, or sex, or even just promises of forever. It’s daily maintenance. Not “work”, because I don’t think marriage should feel like work, but maintenance. It’s paying attention and clearing a path for your partner through every day life.

It’s you caring more about him than you care about yourself. That’s not always easy when you’re as busy as we are, right?

Being married to a man like my husband, who loves so completely through actions (every morning I was sick, he cleaned the whole house before leaving for work, so that my mind could be “at ease”. I know.) has taught me the extreme value of doing for each other, rather than just saying “I love you” every day.

I find that my love speaks loudest when I do something for him when I most don’t feel like it. After a long day, when I’ve completed more than I thought I ever could. That’s the time I try to do one extra thing for J. Because that’s when it means the most.

Are you loving through actions today? Are you showing your family that, though your To Do list is miles long, they have a place right at the top of it?



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{ 2 trackbacks }

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Katrina April 16, 2010 at 4:36 pm

thank you for this. more than you know.

Catie April 16, 2010 at 5:01 pm

If only the majority of married people felt this way. *sigh* What people don’t realize is that EVERY relationship takes work or “maintenance”. :) It’s just that you’re with the person you’re married to the most, so that takes the most work. If you lived w/one of your friends, I guarantee that relationship would take almost as much effort. :) I’m lucky, though, cuz my hubby is my BFF. :)

Excellent post!

Meredith April 16, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Really, really good point, Catie. I totally agree with you.

sarah (the SHU box) April 17, 2010 at 3:29 am

what a lovely post. i agree 100%. when i had to drive my J. to work at 5AM last week because his car broke down, i tried to see it as an opportunity to hang out with him in the AM and do something nice for him. it isn’t always easy, but it’s totally worth it!

Elena April 17, 2010 at 8:13 am

I also want to say thank you for this. Its a great reminder to help you keep your priorities right even when times are tough. I definitely need to work on this.

Thank you!

Lizzie April 17, 2010 at 9:49 am

It’s the same as ‘Actions speak louder than words’ isn’t it?
So true.

Carrie April 17, 2010 at 10:33 am

I love posts like this, after reading them I’m forced to stop and breathe for a moment and then think about what has been said. The almost husband is so much better at doing these little things for me than I am for him and most of the time he doesn’t realize he’s doing them. It’s not a competition I know, but I also know that I want to be doing more things that make our relationship better. Thanks for the reminder – I’ll definitely be applying some of this thought this weekend.

Amanda @ Serenity Now April 17, 2010 at 10:57 am

I like what Lizzie said about “Actions speak louder than words.” Wow!!! You can tell your family you love them all day, but they need to see it too. :)

Melanie April 17, 2010 at 4:45 pm

I wrote a post about my husband on our birthday (yes we have the same one, same hospital, 11 hrs. apart) and talked about something similar to your post. My husband isn’t big on Valentine’s Day, Christmas, etc. but it is the every day things that he does that mean the most to me. This is my second marriage and we are fixing to be married 19 years. I believe that marriage isn’t work. We just go right along every day loving each other and making the other one happy. I love this post.

lou April 18, 2010 at 1:52 am

i love this post meredith. my boyfriend is the first man i ever lived together with and it needed time and patience to get used to it. took me some time. i understand now what you mean by “maintenance”. it’s everyday life that needs to be mastered and it became one of my first duty to do a good job being a part of this relationship. our both parents are married over 35 years so they are the BEST role models for us. love and care needs to be present every single day. words are useless when you don’t show (my mom always said). and now that i write this i realize we’re both very good at it.

Barbara@BabyBloggingBoomer April 18, 2010 at 2:18 pm

You’re so right Penelope. We owe ourselves and our families the maintenance required for happy lives together. I’ve linked an excerpt from this post to my blog. I think it is so important and so sweetly said that I want all my friends to share your post. Thanks for the gentle reminder.

Googlover April 19, 2010 at 6:09 am

Funny, I was having a talk about this with my fellow. He is someone who loves through actions(the most thoughtful guy). Sometimes, it is challenging for me to be thoughtful(I get so wrapped up in things) but I have noticed paying attention is loving act and so much more important than folding my laundry.

sarah April 20, 2010 at 2:50 am

thanks for this reminder!! I too, have a very thoughtful J and aspire to be like him… always loving through actions

Courtney May 1, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Hi, Meredith: As a new follower of your blog, I want to thank you for this inspirational post! This has made me much more aware of little things that I can do for my husband to make him feel more cherished – things that I haven’t been doing! Keep up the wonderful posts – and thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

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