Today, something different. We’re going to get a little real here because I’ve got stuff on my mind.
Sometimes, it sucks to be a Penelope. The Organized One. The Together Chick Everyone Can Rely On. It can suck. Over the course of my life, I’ve been teased by classmates, resented by co-workers, I’ve even lost a marriage over my Penelope ways.
I also hate snarky, back-handed compliments like “it must be nice to always have it so together, huh?” Mainly because I know they don’t mean it. They’re just waiting for me to miss an appointment or forget a birthday or forget to pick my kids up from school or…or…have a mental breakdown. (Pardon the paranoia.)
I hate that having my shit together makes other people mad that they don’t. Even if the fact that they can’t get to the dentist on time is so completely NOT my fault.
I hate the name-calling, too. You’ve all heard it. You’ve been called a “perfectionist”, a “control freak”, a “neat freak”, “anal retentive”. And not in a good way. All because you make lists and put things away in alphabetical order.
Well, you know what I say? Screw ‘em. I’m going to The Container Store.
UPDATE: On a happier and less crabapple note, I wanted to announce the winner of the autographed copy of “The Happiness Project from this giveaway post:
Jackie! With this comment about what makes her happy: “Roses in every room of my house make me deliciously happy !! (I live on Gretchen’s blog) and have shared it with my children & friends. 
”
Congrats, Jackie!
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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Meredith – as a Penelope who is in the middle of something like this with my non-Penelope sister who loves to point her finger at everyone else for her long list of problems, I hear you. The other thing that bugs me is that often people who go through life with this attitude are the source of great pain to those of us who live with their fallout. Here’s to people who try to keep their stuff under control, and long live the “control freak”.
I know what you mean. One of the things I hate about being that person is that the people around me tend to get lazier and rely on me to plan and be organized. So now I have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders just because you can’t manage to plan ahead or show up on time?
Aaah men sista! I hear ya! ;0)
Great post – although I’m not totally a Penelope (my organizational skills leave something to be desired!), I’m a planner…so I’m always the one to plan get togethers, vacations, you name it. So I completely understand what you’re saying! Hmmm, maybe I’ll try not planning our get togethers….oh, who am I kidding? Of course, I’m going to do it…
Meredith- Will you be mad at me if I say this post cracks me up? Mostly, because I sooo relate. Try having a blog called “Overcoming Busy”!! I get comments on facebook all the time along the lines of “Boy, that sounds busy” or “I know of a website that can help you with your busyness”. And they are not being helpful, just snotty! My husband joins in sometimes and says stuff like “My organized wife couldn’t get it together?” or “Maybe you should read your own blog.” I just laugh – now. At least I have it together most of the time and have the tools to have it together – which is better than most folks!
And- I like fellow control freaks. I’ll meet you at the container store!
haha–have fun shopping!!
I wish to be organized, so I guess I’m a Penelope “wantabe” – you go girl!
I’m not a Penelope- I read because I WANT to be a Penelope! I’m a person that knows I should buy my tax disc on time but would rather stay in bed and deal with the fine that I may or may not get. Last night I decided to have salmon for tea tonight, instead of getting some out of the freezer (I was already in bed) I decided to go to the supermarket after work and get more. It sucks to be lazy! People who are mean to others are either missing compassion or are plain jealous, in either case it is them who should be pitied! Have fun at the container store, if you have time you can get me some nice boxes, I can’t be bothered
Great venting! At work they call me Anal April b/c I am more organized than most.
OMG story of my entire existence. My full title is “anal retentive hopeless romantic perfectionist” and I’m ok with it.
Oh this made me laugh so loud! My neighbour, whose daughter is now 13, has been coming over to my house for various visits for the past 5 or 6 years, and each time, she ooohs and aaahs over my organized book shelf, my organized fridge magnets, the organized hooks in the front hallway with names on them so my kids know what gets hung up where. You get the picture. My neighbour, as the mom, would often get told, “Why can’t you be like that?” to whch she would just smile good-naturedly and give me “a look” and then move on.
Well one day, the mom and her daughter were over for dinner and the mom wanted to put away some leftovers and asked me where the plastic storage containers were. I pointed her to a specific cupboard which she opened and screamed! Her daughter came running: “Mom – what’s wrong?”
Having seen my organized plastic containers – all same sized lids together, all same sized containers together, all neatly nested inside each other, and nothing falling out when you opened the door – was apparently more than she could take. She pronounced me to be “extreme” and she and her daughter just gaped in awe for several minutes. Thankfully we’re good friends and we laughed, but it was still the oddest experience… Doesn’t everyone sort their plastic containers like that?
Oh man, Penelopes Unite! So in my real life, I’m sort of trying to let go of my controlling ways (not necessarily a Penelope quality, but for me, it’s a slippery slope). I’m a control freak, I can admit it, and it’s not working so much for my life anymore (for a multitude of reasons) so I am trying to figure that out. Oh, how life can be such a self-help book! haha. But I find it hard to let go because OMG PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE THEIR S%*T together drive me nuts! And also: People who just assume I will take care of it because I always do. Grr.
:::Deep Breaths:::
I guess all I’m saying that I’m searching for balance in all of it , and I too also don’t appreciate the snarkiness. But I do appreciate this site! So thanks for the vent, friend!
Woohoo!!! Yay for you.
I am sooo with you! And, I always feel like I need to make my less organized friends feel better by telling them every time I forget something or have a ‘messy day’ or whatever. But, I don’t ever really feel like I can say “today all my laundry is done, my kids are clean and cute, the house is clean, dinner is in the oven, and I am smiling”, because it seems to be rubbing it in. Does that make sense? -Like I’m only allowed to put on display when things to wrong in order to stay politically correct or something. Uck.
But, yeah, I totally get your sentiment!
hahaha. I LOVE IT!!!
I, too, am a little sick and tired of being made to feel odd simply because I find systems that work and use them. I hate it the most when people have asked me how they might go about doing A, B and C and when I tell them what I do, they give me that look. You know the one. And it may be followed by complimentary words but it just doesn’t feel that way to my heart.
One example: As a SAHM of 4 with summer approaching, I already have the activity calendar made, copies dispersed to the kids old enough to properly use a calendar and we are ready to go. This seems so NORMAL to me, but to others, it’s just plain wierd. But the fact of the matter is, I don’t know how to be anything else but “like this”.
Honestly, I find myself down-right irritating sometimes. Other moms seem to be so go-with-the-flow. Me…I have to schedule mornings to sit and relax. So though I might find it hard when others are not loving my penelope ways, in a strange way, I get it. Sometimes, I don’t love them either. Sometimes I wish I could let my laundry pile high, the dishes fester and the floor get cluttered. Once in a while, I even let something sit there on the floor for a minute just to see if i could be like “them” but alas, I have to go pick it up.
I guess when it’s all said and done, it doesn’t really matter if others think I am nuts. As long as my family is willing to keep me, that is. And so far, they are. Good thing. After all, who else would keep them all so well-organized?
Oh yeah…I hear ya! Sometimes one does get tired of being the “keeper of the paperwork” as I have often been referred to.
Insecure people target others because they are afraid to look at their own foibles. It’s not your problem (although it sure can feel like it!). Hit the “next” button!
LOL…Oh my.
Let me grab a highlighter and some graph paper so that I can chart how many times this has happened. Screw ‘em!
A-FREAKING-MEN!!
You GO to the Container Store, girlfriend! I’ll be the one on line behind you with eight gajillion clear plastic boxes to organize every pair of shoes in the house.
I have learned to OWN it. Screw ‘em, indeed.
Hilarious! Own it, be who you are and be proud! They’re all just haters.
My husband appreciates my overly organized nature and has grown to accept and encourage my “systems” for everything. My EX-husband still refers to be as “anal” 15 years after our divorce. Go figure.
The little free time I have is due to my organized life! I would not trade it for the world and I certainly don’t want to spend precious time looking for stuff or running to the store when I’m out of some essential item.
(((hugs)))
sometimes people who are hateful and ignorant just don’t know how to not be that way.
I love reading here because I am trying to be a better penelope
I hope you are feeling better soon…
Oh can I ever relate!! Jealousy can be very mean spirited. Take me with you to the Container Store
YEAH screw them! other people can think whatever they want. don’t let them get you down. you’re good and you found a way that works best for you and still you’re human. YAY for penelope!
Oh, do I know how you feel! At work, my nickname is Claire-cierge (take off on concierge)!!
As a fellow Penelope I say Screw ‘em! There will be more goodies at the Container Store for us! Har har.
Yes–a BIG AMEN to your post. It is the story of my life too! Sometimes, I just want to say WTH? Your big shout out made my day. I love knowing I am not alone.
Here, here! I’m pretty organized, but I wish I could be even more Penelope-like. When my husband is searching frantically for something, I often like to point out that he wouldn’t be searching if he’d put it away.
(BTW, just found this blog and it is fab!)
I love this post! I also hate the little comments people make. “You’re soooo organized” “You’re such a planner”…..I think it’s meant as a compliment but it comes out sounding condescending. Since when is it better to be a mess than have your stuff together?
I know what you mean, and thanks for being honest! Those comments make you feel like you’re doing something wrong and you need to feel guilty. The other downside to being a Penelope is that while it’s great to be trusted to take charge of planning get-togethers, vacations, etc. – you also get the burden of it as well. People take advantage of that organization.
As always, the feedback I get from all of you is the VERY, VERY best part of doing this blog. It is incredibly comforting to know that we’re all so similar. That we all have the same frustrations and feel the same highs and lows in our Penelope lives.
Thank you for speaking out and sharing your thoughts on this so candidly.
I adore every single one of you.
Love this post! I actually had a friend ask if I would come over to help her get ready for the arrival of her baby… that was due any day. They didn’t have anything ready, and I found myself cleaning closets and loading the dishwasher just to get the house ready. A couple of comments were made about her being embarrassed about the disarray of her home, and I told her not to worry about it… but the comments that came next floored me. No, my house is not always perfect… and my kids won’t be either, but thank you for insinuating that they are and will be. It was extremely frustrating.
SO TRUE! Omg – so completely true. The other thing that tends to happen to me is that people say, “Oh my god, Emily. You would be so proud of me – I made a list!” as if the way they do things is wrong in some way and that my way is the right way. It’s not right, organization just so happens to be one of the most thrilling highs I get in life (and my life is not dull, I promise. lol). What works for us works for us. So be it.
Great post, Meredith. Thanks for your honesty.
I understand your rant. It seems that being good can really be bad. At my last job I was always teased for being neat and nice. I know they were just jealous but…… they are traits I like about myself. It would have been more fun to be appreciated. Now that I don’t get teased on a daily basis I’m enjoying my neatness and others are enjoying my being nice.
Worst than owning up to being a Penelope is trying to hide it. For me, it’s when my husband wants me to be lazy on a Saturday morning. I try to relax and rest; I lay there with my eyes closed and all I can think about is the things I could be getting done. Later in the day, when life continues and we’re off to here, there, and yonder, I can’t help but feel tense, wishing I had stuck to me Penelope ways and done my Penelope tasks. I realized I just needed to admit that while some people feel rested with extra hours of lounging in the morning, I’m rested after I’ve gotten my Saturday morning counter, floor, and appliance “scrub on.” Proud to be a Penelope!
For me, the worst thing about being called a Penelope is that it sends my Imposter Syndrome into overdrive. “I’ve fooled them into thinking I have my sh*t together!” I recently took an Imposter Quiz (that I’ll be writing about next week) and one of the questions was:
Do you live in fear of being found out, discovered, unmasked? Yes, yes, yes!!
When people call me perfect, it doesn’t feel like a complement; it makes me fearful of when I’m going to disappoint them. And worse, it makes me feel guilty for being an imposter.
And I can’t spell. I meant IMPOSTOR.
Such a great post! I get the Penelope eye roll quite a bit myself and I like to just pretend they are absurdly jealous and that’s their way of showing it. *lol* Love reading all the comments here too.
I’ve just found this blog but, OMG, kindred spirits, hello!
I get really annoyed when less organised people get annoyed at ME for being on time/having a first aid kit/ knowing what’s for dinner/ not being overdrawn (delete as applicable…)
Nice to know there are others out there who have “systems”. I just wish we could drop those inverted commas and stop semi-mocking ourselves for them…
Away to bookmark this blog right now.
Karen
Can I just say I love it here?! I feel so much less an alien. I’ve just found your blog and I love it!!! I’m an odd mixture of pure Penelope at work, zero Penelope at home. Trying to find a happier balance between the two. I tried the ‘I’m not doing it for you’ approach and guess what? Then nobody plans anything, and I’m standing there thinking, if I had just gone ahead and taken care of this, I’d be home by now!
wow. i feel like i just got a TON of weight off my chest by just reading that. i relate and thank you for getting that out; i feel better now too
Meredith, you nailed it.
Well, just know that for every person who is snarky about your being organized, there are a hundred of us out here that are FANS! I admire it all, love your blog, find it all so helpful, so don’t change a thing. You wrote recently about only posting a couple of times a week, and deciding that you needed to stick with that schedule- as a Penelope who overextends herself too often, this really made me think. Most of the time, when my Penelope-ness breaks down into chaos, it’s because I’ve taken on too much, so thank you for the inspiration!
I gotta say, it really sucks having the name Penelope. Ahaha, it’s such a unique name. I guess, I am a huge Penelope at school (highschool 10th grade) and barely a Penelope at home. But it’s weird having my name be used to describe a perfectionist!